I feel like I’m on life support and I’m just hoping that someone will pull the plug soon. I’m barely holding on, but I’m not hanging on the edge because I’ve already dropped off the cliff. I just didn’t die when I reached the bottom. My bones are broken and I can’t move, no one is around. I don’t want to get up though, I just want to stay here until my very last breath. I have nothing to live for anymore, I don’t think I ever did. I just keep giving myself reasons to think that I should keep going because I don’t want the torture I’ve gone through to be all for nothing. But it seems absolutely hopeless.
I have no passion for that which I was once passionate about. It’s forced because I feel like I have to do it, because I feel like I have to still be here. I’m just passing time. I’m just surviving. Nothing more, nothing less. I can hear you laughing, I know you think my pain is funny. That because I’m only talking about it, and not actually going through with ending it all, you think that this is some sort of joke. But it’s not a joke. I just have a preference for the way I want to die, and I’m sure you think that’s funny too. I don’t want the programmed suicide alters to kill me, I want to do it myself. But I know I’ll probably fail at it, just like I always do, and I’ll wake up in an even worst position with no way to actually escape this hell.
Written by : Serenity