Walking Into The Fire (Violet)

No one cares.

Not when it comes to Violet. Not when Violet is hurting. Not when Violet needs a fucking break from life. Nope.

And when they do care, it’s too much for me to fucking handle.

I don’t want your fucking sympathy.

There isn’t even a word for how alone I feel at this stage in my life.

But it doesn’t matter because it just doesn’t.

It never does.

I’m in so much fucking pain right now.

Body memories surfacing like crazy and I can’t fucking do anything about it.

Having a private space to heal is out of the question as soon as its my turn.

Go figure right?

I’m done with life shitting on me.

And then feeling ungrateful because I’m complaining about it.

I have the right to my basic needs and then some.

But nope, that’s too much for me.

That’s too much for someone who has been abused.

Nope, I just need to be abused even further apparently.

No where to feel safe, no place to call my own.

I’m getting used to it.

But the anger still boils up.

And the part of me that hates the world right now wants those fuckers to burn.

And I’m not going to apologize for it.

Nope.

I’m done trying to please you.

Because I’m good at a lot more things than that.

If only I had the chance to even prove it.

But they knock me down time and time again.

I just can’t win.

Maybe I’m not supposed to, maybe I’m just supposed to rot.

Because that’s exactly where I see my life going.

And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Of course there will always be people who tell you to take responsibility for your shit.

But they don’t understand.

Not one fucking bit.

They will never walk into the fire like I have.

And I guess I should feel good about that.

But at the same time I don’t.

Because I know they will never fucking get it.

 

Written by : Violet

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