There a lot of things that I’ve had trouble comprehending over the years when it comes to human behavior. But as I’ve begun looking inside of myself for the answers instead of allowing what other people think of me to completely dictate my perception of myself and the world around me, it has made it so I began thinking more deeply about why so many of us behave the way that we do.
There are some people out there who see how hard one is working when it comes to their own self-awareness and growth, and they can’t stand it. They will begin to try to make that person feel inferior by tearing them down. They can’t stand who they are and what they’ve become so they want to make people who are doing what they wish they could be doing themselves feel as rotten as they feel.
Maybe they feel the need to have some sort of power and control over others because they feel powerless themselves in their own lives. It’s really actually quite sad when you think about it. But it still doesn’t excuse the way that they treat others. I know that we haven’t been perfect angels ourselves, but at least we can actually admit to it and are taking the steps to understand ourselves and do what we can to make it better.
Some people will dedicate their entire lives trying to make people feel miserable that they don’t even know. This is what a lot of trolls do on the internet. They will stalk certain people online and watch their every move even though they despise them. This is something that I’ve never been able to grasp. How someone can spend so much of their time invested in people that they hate.
Personally, I would rather focus on people that I find intellectually stimulating. People that I can learn something from every time I watch or read something that they put out into the world. If someone leaves a bad taste in my mouth, I don’t feel the need to attack them. I just move on. I have enough stress in my life as it is and don’t feel the need to constantly seek conflict with others. You can still learn from people you dislike, but unless you’re using what you’ve learned constructively, it seems pretty pointless to me.
I’m not saying that everyone should just fill their circle with people who agree with them all the time. But if your interactions with others just lead to flinging insults at one another, then I don’t quite see the point. It’s totally OK to have a difference of opinion, but it should be discussed in a respectful manner. It shouldn’t just be a back and forth “I’m always right, and you’re wrong” or else you will never get anywhere. You will never be willing to really listen to understand, but only be waiting to aggressively prove that that the other person couldn’t possibly ever know more than you do.
I just hope that every time I choose to not add fuel to the fire by engaging in arguments with people that make me cringe when talking to them because they can never see my point of view, that I’m making a difference in the world. I hope that every time I make some sort of progress in the way that I treat others and choose to handle things, that it’s doing something to make things better for all of us.
I don’t really think that people are all good or all bad. I used to feel that way for a very long time until I began this journey of self-discovery. I used to think that whenever people were mean to me or when I was mean to them that we were just bad people, and that was that. But I know now that there’s always more than meets the eye. I try to remind myself that the person who is hurting me is probably hurting themselves in some way or else they wouldn’t feel the need to be so cruel. I know that I’ve done my share of hurting people, and I know why now. I was abused so many times and never got the help and support I needed. I never felt heard or seen. I never felt truly cared for.
That doesn’t excuse the things that I’ve done but when you begin to understand why you did those things, it can help you not do it again. It will happen a lot less often because you’re able to take a step back and see things for the way they are. Until people choose to start doing this, they will just keep on hurting others and think that it’s okay. I try to remember that as hard as it can be to hold my tongue when people talk down to me. I still slip up from time to time, because I’m only human. But at least I’m a lot more aware of myself than I was when I was younger, and that has made all the difference.
I share myself so vulnerably and openly. I talk about my insecurities. And there are people out there who try to use these things to get under my skin because they know I’m a sensitive person and that it’s easy to hurt me. There always will be people like this. But I have to stay strong and keep speaking out. Because it’s more important to me to help others who are hurting by sharing these things, than to stay silent because these people who come after me can’t stand to see the real me.
It’s one of the hardest things in the world to keep pushing forward through the storm when the gusts of winds keep pushing you back and you end up falling down again and again. But the only way to survive is the keep going. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.
Written by : Violet